This is what started it all!
A trip to Adelaide to see a specialist
that involved staying in one of those tiny motel rooms,
you know the ones with that giant mirror that you can't hide from.
It had been a long time since I'd had to look at myself so closely and in such horrible detail.
Disgusting, obese, revolting, horrible, pathetic.....
those words and many more went through my mind.
Over and over again those words repeated themselves,
getting louder and louder until I could barely think.
I knew I had put on weight since my shoulder had become so bad that I had stopped doing yoga, walking and going to the gym.
This was due to a combination of an old injury that had flared up and complications that had developed from having Charcot Marie Tooth (CMT).
But that is just an excuse and I should have been able to find a way to get around this. I shouldn't have given up the way I did, I should have fought through the pain because that is what I have done every day of my life and I'm not exactly sure why I just gave up with everything this time.
Maybe I was just so exhausted with fighting and arguing with my mind and my body every single day that I just didn't want to do so much anymore.
But that's still an excuse, and not even a good one.
Nothing justifies that I gave up on living life as much as I did, there is nothing positive or healthy about it all.
This needs to change...
and it started yesterday with me making an appointment to start regular sessions with a physiotherapist
(I found one that actually knows what CMT is, an that's not always easily done as usually even the GP's have no idea what it is)
This is to get a proper assessment of what my body can and can't do, which is different from what all the nerve measurements and scans say, because that's just numbers and diagrams, I want to deal with actual movement.
This is about getting a regular stretching routine worked out,
to get myself back into the gym and to get walking again.
I would really like, and to be honest I need some support for my new journey, from both those around me and those I talk to on line.
This is leaving me very open, and most of you know that I keep to myself most of the time and avoid people who have given me any grief or trouble but
I decided to do it this way because I'm seeing other blogs and Face book pages where people have been really open and honest about what they are doing and what they are going through and it has helped the to becoming a better person.
Please help me on my journey.