Monday, 7 November 2016

Last week was a bad week


Last week was a bad week...



My get up and go had got up and went somewhere else sometime on Sunday night while I was sleeping...

I went to the gym on Monday morning...
Now it's quite normal for me to get on the bike and have it take a minute or two for the nerve connection to start working fast enough for my legs to start turning and exercise to begin happening... 
But this time it didn't happen like it normally does...
When I was sitting on the bike and my body wasn't even functioning enough to get any resistance happening it was really upsetting...
I kept waiting for everything to kick in and start working but it didn't happen...

Now, I don't know if you're aware, but Charcot Marie Tooth (CMT) is a degenerative, progressive disease.
It can stay the same for a long period of time with no obvious and notable changes at all, but it's always slowly progressing away in the background, the body adjusts and keeps adjusting with other nerves, tendons and muscles stepping up to do the job until one day it's just to much and there is an obvious and notable, to me anyway, progression.

After several days of functioning at a very reduced rate and being so exhausted both in body and mind, even when doing nothing, I was starting to think that this was going to be my new level of existing and I wasn't ready to cope with such a quick and dramatic reduction in my capabilities...

I was so very upset and to be honest was beginning to panic that I would hardly be able to keep up with doing things around here.
For those of you who don't know, my husband works very long days, often doing 100 hours of work a week, so I need to be okay to do everything myself, and to be honest I don't always do a very good job of a lot of things already, so I need all the energy and function to be working properly.

Gym is all I have left that I can do half decently...
I like pushing myself to the edge of my capability, it wouldn't seem like that to anyone watching, but you need to remember just walking into the gym is pushing through pain every single time (I have a deal with Daniel that I wont take any pain relief before working out as I need everything functioning at it's normal level so I'm fully aware of what my body is feeling and doing at all times and that means there is less chance of doing myself an injury)
Often it's the more simple and easier exercises, the ones set by the physiotherapist, that cause the most sweat, which is how my body also expresses pain.
I was terrified that I wasn't going to be able to get back into the gym again.

It took until Sunday to start feeling like a functioning human again...
There is a change in some levels of function that I am aware of, and there has been some adaption that is still happening as it can take me a few weeks to learn my new levels of pain and function.

But today, I was back at the gym again, I wasn't able to do my full routine, but I did 75% of it and I was happy with that and felt good about myself.